Why am I bothering to write on this blog anymore?

It's been a while since I've written anything here, and I'd like to get back to occasionally posting my thoughts in some kind of organized manner, but in the hopes of having a bit more focus, which will hopefully motivate me to write more, and more carefully, I've put together a brief description of what it is I'm aiming for on this blog. It's deliberately vague and hardly original, but that sums me up in real life, so there you go.

The purpose of this blog is to allow me to explore ideas about happiness, meaning, day-to-day life, and how to figure out what really matters in life. As David Cain at Raptitude puts it, I want to "get better at being human."

Reading has long been one of my favourite activities, but due to a lack of focus and uncertainty about exactly what I want out of life, I've failed to hold onto much of the wisdom I've come across over the years. This blog is an attempt to hold onto some of that wisdom by focusing my thoughts instead of just moving on to the next idea, activity, book or drink.

I'm partially inspired by the lyrics of George Harrison's Any Road:

And if you don't know where you're going
Any road will take you there 

I'm 40 now, and while I've managed to drag myself through grad school, and finding a career, I've never managed to figure out exactly what it is I actually want out of life. I've tended to swing back and forth over the decades between convenient options and naively idealistic plans that require more single-minded focus than I've ever been willing to pursue to the extent required for success. Well, that attitude and lack of focus has gotten me where I am.

I've been a fan of Buddhism for a while, and I'm interested in the concept of Enlightenment or Awakening. This is a point a person can reach, most commonly through years of meditation and study, where, essentially, shit doesn't bother you anymore. While I'm skeptical about the possibility of reaching full awakening, the evidence seems pretty clear to me that it's possible to move in that direction and become more, well, awake. This can be the result of meditation, which is something I think benefits me, but also through study of philosophy, history, literature, self-help books or just through living one's life and learning as we go.

I've had moments of realization in my life, where I suddenly realize something about myself or about the world, moments where suddenly a certain aspect of life becomes crystal clear. While I'm sure I've forgotten some of these, those moments I do remember and can hold onto and that contribute to how I live in the world are the moments that contribute to my growth as a person, and even, in tiny bits, the development of some semblance of wisdom as I get older. Through meditation and reading the thoughts of people with interesting things to say about life, I guess you could say my goal is to accelerate and build on that process of development and understanding, leading it into a direction of contentment and wisdom that, in my mind, would be in the same ballpark as the Buddhist concept of Awakening. And maybe by writing about it occasionally it'll help clarify those thoughts in my mind. That's the goal, at least.